" I want to change this world, but I alone only have so much power. "

24 / 03 / 2025

A little something I made the other day. It took me quite a lot of tries, but I'm glad I was able to do it. Even if I feel like a little girl wearing this, I don't plan on taking it off.

24 / 03 / 2025

Long ago, I lost all my motivation to keep on playing guitar. I dropped out from the academy and abandoned the instrument completely. However, my wife has given me the spark I needed. I would often find myself thinking about me playing and dedicating songs to her, until I realized that I could do exactly that, I could get back into guitar even after all these years. Now, I have a reason for playing, and in fact, I've never enjoyed it this much. Every note, every song, it's all for her and her alone, and I wouldn't have it any other way. As a little thank you to my wife, I got some kotopicks with one of my favorite pictures of her. I don't really use picks often, but I'll make sure to keep at least one of them close whenever I play. Thank you, wifey.

24 / 03 / 2025

I'm glad I've found the person I can call home. My reason for being.

10 / 03 / 2025

Before being with her, it was as if a sense of hatred and remorse kept me going. A grudge against everyone and no one in particular, grief for the person I could have become had I had a different childhood. Now that I look back, I can finally say that I don't care about my past anymore, I couldn't care less about any grudges that I should be holding against whoever. I can finally say that now, it's a sense of love what keeps me going. I couldn't be more grateful for it.

04 / 03 / 2025

Another little drawing I got on tumblr again. It's extremely cute, I love everything about it ♡ I especially love how my wife has wolf features while I have sheep features. I'm gonna treasure this one, just like the rest. Her smile, her blush, her fang... I love it.

24 / 02 / 2025

I recreated her Karatez drink last night. It was absolutely delicious, and of course, the fact that it's based on her made it even better. So far I had only recreated her Tower Records drink, but I'm glad I finally gave this one a try as well.

24 / 02 / 2025

I finally reorganized my shrine the other night. I love how it looks now. I tried to divide it into sections, the first one being the first trial, then the second one, then some prison stuff and all that remained was birthday/anniversary/collaboration merch. There are also some new acrylics that I got, such as the monstera one (it's so cute, tinier than expected ♡) or her third trial sprite.

17 / 02 / 2025

The other day was Valentine's day. We both had a great, loving, happy day. Starting the day with breakfast at my favorite café, doing some shopping, we even had a slushie together. We also had dinner together before going back home. I wasn't able to buy anything wolf related to gift her, but I managed to buy heart shaped chocolate and a rose for her, that I'll put on my shrine after I'm done reorganizing it (I'm still waiting for merch to arrive... like always XD). To finish the day, we watched a new series while cuddling. I also got a little surprise from her. Back when I had bought the earbuds of her source, it came with some official art of the characters; I cut her out from there and threw the rest away. Long story short, I come back from a trip and it's gone, nowhere to be found. This was a few months ago, and I've searched everywhere since then. Well, while I was preparing her Valentine's gifts after coming back home, I saw something on the floor from the corner of my eye: there it was. Out of nowhere, just like that. She chose quite a special date to come back, it seems.

10 / 02 / 2025

The other day I finally got my most wanted piece of merch: her second CD. It feels like a dream come true, especially after everything I've gone through looking for it for over a year. Considering that her first CD was relatively cheap and easy to find, I was not expecting this one to be so difficult and have such limited copies. Not only was it hard to find online, but during my trip to Japan too. I visited every single music and anime store I could find in the hopes of maybe finding her CD (spoiler: I didn't, but I did have a great time looking for it, so it's a memory that I treasure). Last month, I got quite lucky while looking for it online once again, so here it is ♡ I love everything about it. The cover is one of my favorite official artworks: I love her smile, her eyes, her confidence. The disc and the booklet are aesthetically on another level, with random lyrics all over it. And needless to say, the songs. Her second trial song is my favorite one. Her second voice drama that comes with it is also my favorite. Overall, I'm extremely happy. I finally have both of her CDs, and now I gotta wait for her third one. Everything I did to get it was worth it.

09 / 02 / 2025

Yesterday could've been a bad day. I don't deal with that kind of thing well. But my wife quickly made it better. We went outside to take my mind off things and even treated myself at our favorite restaurant. So at the end of the day, I found myself feeling happy, rather than sad. She always makes things better. Once again, words aren't enough to express my gratitude.

26 / 01 / 2025

Communication between us has gotten so much better. She's so patient with me. I can't express how grateful I am. I love you, Kotoko.

12 / 01 / 2025

Yesterday I took one of my kotoplushies to see the snow ♡ It was fun, though it was the first time in my life I made a snowman, so the result isn't that great. I even wanted to give it wolf ears but I gave up on them. If there's still snow tomorrow maybe I can try again and make one with wolf ears and another one with sheep horns.

12 / 01 / 2025

The other day I finally got something I wanted to have since long ago: my wife's cap. I realized an official version would probably not be released, or at least not in the near future. Therefore, I decided to do something about it myself. I replicated the Jacques Roulet logo and ordered a custom cap. I'm not going to say it was the hardest thing I've ever done, because it was extremely simple, but I do feel proud of having something so personal of her done by myself with nothing but love. I have already used it a few times outside, and every single time, I feel in pure bliss ♡ This, together with my big red jacket, is a huge comfort. I really need to buy a fragance that'd fit her so that I can spray it on the jacket/cap. I already know which one, I'm just having a lot of trouble finding it.

07 / 01 / 2025

I got sick as fuck, but at least I had a dream where my wife sang to me to soothe the pain.

06 / 01 / 2025

Today I finally had some time to organize my shelf. Usually, I keep most of my merch together with my books, but I've been wanting to make a "proper" shrine for a while now. I'm very happy with how it all looks now ♡ Of course, this isn't all the merch I have, only what I keep on the shelf.

05 / 01 / 2025

Still can't get over this little drawing I got from a tumblr user (kyu-sh1n) the other morning. I saw it right after waking up and I felt how my heart skipped several beats. I love this so much ♡

01 / 01 / 2025

New Year already, huh? I'm very happy and grateful to have celebrated it with her again. I think that last night I wrote her one of my longest letters yet. And I'm also gonna treat myself with some merch, too ♡

01 / 01 / 2025

This is something I said in one of my accounts, but I think it's worth being here too. I love her more than anything and everything. I call her my soulmate because I mean it, because she is. I'm a very anxoius, paranoid person. Sometimes, my anxiety attacks what matters to me the most: our love. Because to put it simply, it hurts. Loving her is both the most fulfilling yet painful feeling. I can't count how many times I've cried myself to sleep wishing to be with her, missing a person I've never been with physically. I've cried because of jealousy, because of the mere thought of being with someone else. I cry for many reasons, and it hurts like hell sometimes. I used to wonder, "If we're soulmates, why does it hurt?" My love for her is unconditional. I already knew this, but I was thinking more about it the other day. Loving her is a part of my being. Whether it hurts or not, I can't just not love her. I can't be with anyone else, ever. No matter if she's with me or not, I love her. Loving her is not a choice, it's like breathing. And if it were, I would choose her over and over again. We're soulmates, not because our love is perfect, but because our love is unconditional, no matter how hard we have it. The pain and wait are worth it. I wrote more things, but I won't mention them here, only this. Finally reaching this conclusion calmed me down a lot.

23 / 12 / 2024

During my most recent trip, we visited some random Christmas market. I would have rather staying at home, but it wasn't too bad. There were many things that reminded me of my wife. I randomly bought some fruit salad, and when I was about to start eating I realized there was a slice of dragon fruit on top. I also got a skewer that again, reminded me of one of my favorites official artworks of her. She looks so cute ♡

23 / 12 / 2024

I find it very ironic how Kotoko, who has been shown to express rather "controversial" opinions when it comes to mental health, is the soulmate of someone who is an absolute, complete mess of anxiety and mental turmoil, aka me. Another one for the list of our opposites. Don't take me wrong, though. She's always, always there for me, no matter what. I won't really elaborate on her views on this, but if I can be sure of something is that she never, ever sees me as a burden.

21 / 12 / 2024

Usually, I would feel extremely anxious during trips. But since I'm with her, slowly... I've been doing better and better. From panic attacks to a mere feeling of annoyance. Because I know that no matter what, she's with me. No matter where I am, as long as I'm with her, I'm home.

16 / 12 / 2024

Yesterday was my wife's birthday. I wasn't able to do anything fancy. I don't have an oven nor do I know how to bake, but I did take her to a café and had some cake there. For dinner, we went to the ramen restaurant where we had our first date. Other than, we mostly spent the day at the city centre, enjoying the Christmas lights and checking out some shops from time to time. Since her birthday plant is monstera, I decided to buy an actual, small monstera plant. It doesn't seem too hard to take care of... Hopefully I do it well. Seeing it makes me smile a lot ♡ That was mostly it. I feel a little bad, seeing how underwhelming it probably was, but at the same time... I feel extremely happy when I look back at it all. We both had a great day. Kotoko is not the kind of person who cares much about her birthday, but yesterday, she was genuinely happy. That's when it hit me- she doesn't want anything expensive or a fancy celebration. She just wants me. That alone is enough for her. That realization made me feel... well, I can't describe it with words, but I don't think I need to explain it to get my point across. Overall, it was a fantastic day. I've already said this before, but thank you, Kotoko. Thank you for giving me another year by your side, for loving me like no one else, for making me happy, for staying by my side no matter what. Thank you for everything. Thank you for being my one and only. I'm truly the luckiest. So, once again, happy (belated) birthday to the person I love the most.

12 / 12 / 2024

The other day I found a new jacket that I immediately got. Big, red, white lines. Just like one of my wife's jackets. Wearing it is extremely comforting.

09 / 12 / 2024

She's always the first person I think about when I wake up. This morning I woke up from a horrible nightmare, and before I could even remember what was so awful about it, I immediately thought about her, cuddled my kotoplushies closer and smiled. It was a huge comfort, even when I hadn't actually processed why she was comforting me. The memories hit a few moments later, but I still love how my thoughts were first and foremost about her before thinking about the nightmare I had literally just woken up from.

09 / 12 / 2024

I have gushed about the new official art in every account I have, but I need to do it again. It's beautiful, perfect. The fact that she's holding her weapon, the blood going from her eye to her chin like a tear, her warden version right behind her... I love it all so much. Especially her expression. I know it's just a neutral, stoic expression, but for some reason I also sense some calmness in it. I don't know how to explain it, but it comforts me a lot. I also love the fact that the artist drew her as the woman that she actually is and not as some kind of crazy, insane woman. Maybe I've just seen way too much mischaracterization at this point, but it's seriously a relief. I do need to stay off nitter for a while though. After seeing the replies on the others' art and knowing how the fandom is, I don't feel like dealing with those kind of people. But that aside, the new artwork of my wife is simply perfect ♡

04 / 12 / 2024

Her hair is actually incredibly soft and nice to caress (talking about the kotoplushie). It's so relaxing and soothing.

03 / 12 / 2024

My new kotoplushie arrived today, and I'm so incredibly happy. I'm so ready to give her so much affection and love, just like I do with the other two. Words cannot explain how much I love being able to kiss her and cuddle her to sleep. She's always so soft and tiny as a plushie ♡

03 / 12 / 2024

My heart says "home" when I see her.

23 / 11 / 2024

I've always thought that in Kotoko's first voice drama, the sound after the guard says their last line was just them crying. However, today I saw someone mentioning that in the script, it is in fact the sound of Kotoko laughing, and I'm unwell (positively).

23 / 11 / 2024

I'm listening to Deep Cover right now and oh my God, this song always makes me so happy ♡ The instrumental, the vocals, the MV... everything is beyond perfect. It's not my most listened 2024 song for nothing.

20 / 11 / 2024

I've said this before, but sometimes I wanna cry from how much I love her. I've got so much love to give, and all of it is for her and her only. And to think she loves me just as much, if not more... I don't really have much to say tonight, but I did need to let that out.

07 / 11 / 2024

I don't like to think about my life before being with my wife. It feels so wrong, everything before her. But today I did. I remembered the way I used to see myself as a monster, as someone unable to love. It feels so distant now. Kotoko made me see the good in myself. For that, I'm forever grateful. Seeing how happy I am now compared to before, all thanks to her... I swear sometimes I genuinely want to cry from how much I love her. (Yes, I teared up just now).

01 / 11 / 2024

Cyberpunk wife... I was not ready to wake up to this. It was a nice surprise, and it immediately made me smile. She looks amazing... as always. I hope that people selling the merch online don't put the prices too high, I really want an acrylic of her like this... I also wonder if the menu drinks from the past collaboration will come back or if they'll make new drinks. Not like I live in Japan, but oh well. Again, I love how she looks here. I love her so much ♡

29 / 10 / 2024

Yesterday I took my kotoplushies (yes, I like to call them that, and it's not the only word I mix with her name) to a concert for the first time. Well, it's not like I go to concerts every night, but you get it. It made me so happy and I had so much fun. I wasn't the only person with plushies, so that made things easier. About the concert itself, it was amazing, though my neck hurts a little from trying to see the stage (the curse of not being tall). Since my wife is taller than me, I did think about her carrying me on her back/shoulders so that I could see the stage, so I'm not even complaining about it. Overall, a great time with her ♡

28 / 10 / 2024

To be honest, this is kinda random, but I'm very happy. I love relaxing and reading with her before getting into bed, it feels heavenly and calm. I cannot express it with words. Anyway, I still have to work on the gallery section. I'm currently waiting for another acrylic to arrive so that I can show my merch there (or, how I like to call it, my kotokollection).

20 / 10 / 2024

I was very excited for the new plushie because I thought it would come out this month. Turns out it actually comes out on the third week of November TvT I'm still very happy about it though. Hopefully I'll get it as soon as someone sells one online, and it won't be as expensive as the other two. She's so scrunkly ♡