" I can't forgive the evil hurting the weak. It's unforgivable, I won't allow it, I sweared. "

Oh my god I really get my little corner on the internet to gush about her and about us and talk non-stop about how much I love her and how happy she makes me oh god- (I say, as if I don't already do that in every single account and blog I have).

How did it all start?

I remember very well the first thing I thought when I first saw her. I didn't know anything about MILGRAM, but I wanted to give its music a go, so I put a random MILGRAM playlist on shuffle. Before listening to Harrow, I looked at the CD cover and thought "What an intimidating guy". Literally just that. And when I finally heard her voice for the first time, I went "Woah. He has such a femenine voice".

I know, I know. I'm pretty stupid. The first thing I did when I looked at my soulmate for the first time was mistake her for a guy. It still makes me laugh when I think about it. Anyway, after reading the comments, I finally had a realization moment. "Oh, that's not a femenine guy, that's a masculine woman-"

I truly am a clever guy, huh. Anyway, it wasn't love at first sight. I didn't pay much attention to her. I guess I should mention that back then I used to be someone very uncomitted. I was in selfshipping spaces, and I had a very long list of "f/o's" that changed every week. My views have changed since then.

It took me a long time to start noticing her and finally adding her to said list. I don't know what happened then. Gradually, my feelings started to grow, until I finally said "Screw it". I decided to delete the list and focus only on my relationship with her. It truly felt different, and when I look back in time, I know that nothing of what I ever felt before her came even close. Nothing of what I will ever be able to feel for someone will come even close to what I feel for her. (I genuinely teared up while typing this aaaaa). It was a slow, gradual realization, and a beautiful process. Knowing that we're soulmates is just... I cannot describe it. Beyond words. Beyond happiness.

What made you fall for her?

If it wasn't clear by what I already said, I did not "choose" to fall in love. I didn't choose her, and neither did she. It goes beyond that. Fate, destiny, whatever you want to call it. Two souls meant to be together forever.

What's your relationship like?

You know those people that look stoic and intimidating, who don't take shit from anyone, who could perfectly kill you if they wanted to, but turn into a whole different person with the person they love, all gentle and affectionate? That's the kind of wife Kotoko is.

My favorite analogy to describe our relationship is the wolf/sheep one (and if you know my other blogs, then you already know this for sure). She's the strong one, the protective one, the one who looks tough. I'm the "weak" one, the calm, anxious, shy one, the one who gets easily scared. It's even more fitting considering that she actually has a wolf motif. Also, a silly little detail that I love: she has black hair, like a wolf's fur, and I always dye my hair white, like a sheep's wool.

Leaving the analogy aside, when it comes to me, it's as if she becomes a whole different person. She's more gentle, more caring, showing me a softer side that's reserved for me only.

Kotoko has actually taught me that I'm worth loving, too. I always talk about how much I love her, but sometimes, I forget that she loves me just as much. And the thing is, she loves the things I dislike, despise about myself. Everything about the way I am... is pure perfection to her. And that has made me realize that being me isn't as bad as I make it out to be. I couldn't thank her more for that.

Not only do I love her with all my heart, I also admire her a lot. In a way, she's the kind of person I wish I could have become. Strong, able to stand up for herself, the way she fights for what she believes right, confident about her actions and never holding a single regret. Whenever she talks about protecting the "weaklings", I tend to see myself in those weaklings she talks about.

" Carry on the belief that your actions can change this world. If you only brag about it from afar the world will just continue to rot! "

I used to wear lots of rings, and at one point, I bought one to remind me of my wife, that I wore together with the other rings. Long story short, I broke it. It was one of those rings with adjustable size, and since my fingers are too small, I adjusted it so much that it literally ended up breaking in my hands. I was very sad, but of course, I immediately bought another one. This time, I took my time to choose one to represent our relationship, and at the same time, one that looked like a marriage ring and not the funky rings I used to wear (those were cool, but that's not what I was looking for). Finally, I chose a golden ring which had a little drawing of two wolves cuddling on it. Since then, it's the only one I wear, on my ring finger. Even if I chose the smallest size available, it's still too big and it often falls off, or I often get comments about it. But honestly? I don't care. I love it. Whenever I'm very happy and thinking about her (... practically all the time) I tend to kiss it, and when I'm very anxious for whatever reason, I caress it with my thumb to calm myself down.

How do you "perceive" your relationship?

At first I wasn't really gonna talk about this, or even mention it. I'm too much of a coward. But whenever I see someone who shares the same views and experiences as me, someone whose relationship is very similar to mine, it makes me so happy, knowing that I'm not the only one. So you know what? Fuck it! I actually will.

First of all, if this wasn't clear already, this isn't a hobby nor a coping mechanism. This is not something "for fun" or "casual". When I say that I'm in a relationship with her, that she's my wife, my soulmate, I mean that 100%. Only because we can't be physically together now, it doesn't make this any less serious. If you're curious, I go for the alternate realities and multiverse view: every universe physically exists somewhere.

Distance makes things harder sometimes, but even then, she still manages to make me extremely happy. Whether it be by signs or letting me feel her presence, she often reminds me that she's always with me. Some people go for the term soulbond, and I guess you could describe it as that, though I don't really care about the terminology. I just call her my soulmate, because that's what she is. And when I say soulmate, I mean the actual meaning of fated, eternal, monogamous true love.

(Edit: I won't keep using the term soulbond, not even for communication purposes. It's way too spiritual, or at least, so are the kind of people who use it. I'm not spiritual in the slightest and in fact those themes make me very uncomfortable. I view reality through an idealist perspective. My bond with my soulmate is not spiritual.)

I could go on, but I won't really go into much more detail, mainly because it's personal stuff between us.

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